hell has frozen over

If I get this job, I will dye my hair candy floss pink.

If I don't get this job, I will dye my hair candy floss pink.

It is a cold, bastard insensitive world out there.

"There's a monkey runs this place, right?"

I think my least favorite part of applying for jobs is the waiting that I have to do afterwards - waiting for them to call me back, waiting for the interview, and how the entire process seems like another variation on that hideous game of second-guessing - will they like me/am I qualified enough/am I necessary/am I worthy - when it boils down to is being another retail slave. It's not as if I'm even working in an office, as my mother kindly points out - I'll just be back to doing the same kind of work I fled from years ago. My last job was as a reader for the disabled students association at school, and I gave up on it finally, because reading out loud for 2-3 hours a day to a tape recorder? Surprisingly, stops being interesting.

But I need the money, I'm nearing the end of my academic career (at this point I just want to graduate and run off to Europe - I still love learning, but I absolutely hate school) and I also want to be

( cut for length and lots of circular pontificating and self-pointy fingers )

all that personal shoe-gazing, wall-beating has also gotten me to a point about this LJ and what I want to be doing with it in the future - I'm going to be pulling a little further away from fandom stuff, and writing more about...well, me. Music. Get Recced has been remade and recompiled in my head seven times more and I keep on burning mix cds that haven't been sent out to people who deserve them - and goodness knows I have several dictionary sized pieces of fiction that I need to post - and I will. Even though I've never been active in fandom, the fringes are starting to look less and less attractive - the wank just seeps into everything, eventually, doesn't it? And y'know, maybe a few years ago I would have been in the thick of things, but now I'm just not as interested. I still love the originals - and I will squee about things from time to time, but from now on, I'm going to be focusing on other things besides movies or tv shows or books - the inbetween stuff that makes me. You know, days pass and the waves crash onto the shore and the moon hasn't blown up, that kind of stuff. And to go with that, I'll be capping and tripping my friendslist - some of you - through my own reticence, have never really become more than anything but a 'fandom' friend - and I don't know if we actually have things...or nothings in common to continue reading on a daily basis. Some of you, I suspect don't actually like me - and vice-versa. But the majority of you - this is true

1. You are interesting
2. We both have lives
3. I have weak eyes and can only read flat text on a monitor for so long before my eyes cross and I get a headache. Therefore I should be able to choose the stuff I read and my interests have changed from yours.
4. It's only personal in the briefest glancing ways - there's another LJ in the sea, and we are not breaking up. It's not you, it's me.
5. Some of you I am just actively stalking. Tough luck.
6. Obviously I'm not going to be offended if you unfriend me.
7. Some of you, I haven't friended back, and this is my own fault - I feel slightly guilty, but I've found that spending the time I have - again, just not that much anymore.

My other options were making this journal friendslocked, but I don't like that idea, and deleting and starting completely over - which I liked even less.

So trimming the FL it is.