so much wasted

[bluelovesorange]

In which I have an attack of the rejection revisited dream:



Oh lord, where do I begin? Okay, things I remember - I'm in a band of some sort with my good friend Sh - I am also either in a relationship or in the process of getting out of one because the guy is too suffocating, Sh is single and carefree. We're leaving by elevator to get somewhere - somewhere my ex/boyfriend doesn't want me to go. We evade him and end up in a cafeteria food line. Working behind the counter is my high school crush, D, who looked like a young George Harrison in the Beatles. Even had the hair. For some reason, possibly to protect his identity even in my dreamscape, his name has been changed to Dan deMan.

Yes, you read that right. MY BRAIN IS LAME. Or BROKEN, I DON'T KNOW.

So D isn't wearing a hair net or anything regulation lunch lady and is looking, let's face it really fetching, and he immediately makes eye contact with Sh and I.

There is electricity in the air.

Unfortunately, it is not with me. No, He flirts and laughs with Sh, who is the most adorable girl in the world, so who could really blame him, and during the entire excruciating exchange where not one of my jokes or witty repartee makes its mark (IMPOTENT, IMPOTENT SAY THE DALEKS) I find out that D wants to be a life guard or work for the coast guard, one or the other after being a cafeteria lady, two, him and Sh are making crazy with the eye dancing and cooing.

I am sick with jealousy. In fact, when I know the outcome (he's going to ask her on a date/is in fact wooing her right now!) I lean over to her and tell her point blank that I'm not happy with the situation, that I can't wish her well, and if she wants to talk about her relationship with me, I'm not comfortable about hearing it.

Why am I such an ASSHOLE IN MY OWN DREAMS?

It's just....EVERY KIND OF PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE HATE! behavior I despise and dream me goes and fucks it all up! I cannot catch a break. I get rejected even in my dreams, this is clearly an evolution point from when I couldn't be naked in my own dreams, now I suffer from dehabilitating rejection in them as well.

And I don't even know what's UP with Possessive/Suffocating Ex-boyfriend in the dream either. My id forbidding me happiness in realized relationships? Who the hell knows?



Also, the fact that Zach and Lane are getting married and not more people are treating it like the big OMGWTF it is - friendslist, you lose at life. Seriously.

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[crushw-eyeliner.livejournal.com]

I have not yet been inundated by poultry in my dreams, but who knows, that could be tonight's feature. We should have a dream network, rebe, where our all our interesting dreams get featured as prime time entertainment, and there'd be a panel of people trying to interpret - it'd be MS3K for your subconscious!